Fernando Alonso’s confession of the Mclaren Period
“Fernando, how does it feel after becoming Spain’s first World Champion ?”
“Uuhh. It is a known fact that Bull Fighting is the preferred sport in Spain, and Formula 1 comes a close third preceded by Football. So for me, to win the Formula 1 crown will hopefully increase the following in the sport.”
This was Fernando Alonso after de-throning Michael Schumacher in 2005, declaring that the Formula 1 universe had overcome the Ferrari/Schumacher storm, and was now ready for a new beginning.
Following his feat in 2005, he added another feather to his cap in 2006, trouncing Michael Schumacher when the German was at his utmost best in a competitive machinery. Such maturity was last displayed by the Finns of Mclaren, and it was indeed an amazing achievement of being crowned a double world champion.
“What next, Fernando ?”
“I am joining Mclaren.”
“Mclaren ? They produced such a dog of a car in 2006. Why Mclaren ?”
“Dont worry. I have a trick up my arse. ”
Flashback 2007. Alonso is produced to the world in Mclaren colors, along-with the first ever Black Formula 1 racing driver.
“Fernando, that racing suit looks so amazing on you.”
“Oh thank you.”
“By the way, are you vary of your teammate ? I have heard he is very quick ?”
“Oh of course he must be. That is why he is my teammate.”
Circa Australian GP. Lewis Hamilton overtakes Fernando Alonso at the start, only to lose out his position to strategy. Fernando did beat Lewis Hamilton, but the psychological war had started.
“I dont think I was given justice at Mclaren, the time I spend there, it was the worst time of my racing career. When I signed for Mclaren, Ron personally promised me No.1 status at the team, just like Michael Schumacher enjoyed at Ferrari. And look what they did to me, allowing Hamilton to walk all over me, giving him a better strategy and allowing him to race me in 2007. This was not what I expected off him.”
“But Fernando, dont you think he was quicker than you ?”
“Queeecker ? What do you mean ? Are you telling me a rookiee can be faster than a double world champion ? What the ?”
“Maybe Fernando. He was. Now come on son, he did belt your ass in 2007, didnt he ? ”
“What are you talking ? Me and him had the same points in 2007.”
“Of course you did equal him in points. But not before some casual mistakes by the team and failures on the car in the last two races, which caused a massive point loss to him. If not for that, he would have won the title.”
“I dont believe this. I was not given the No.1 Status. They promised me that they would. After all I got them 6/10ths of lap time. 6/10ths.”
At this moment I shall remind you that Fernando broke down in tears. So we tried looking for a video where he overtakes Lewis. Unfortunetaley, we couldnt find any. So we showed him his championship winning race footage of 2005.
“There Fernando. Look. You just won the world championship. :)”
Fernando regains his composure after watching the video, and proceeds further, while wiping his tears.
“So talk us through the 6/10ths controversy.”
“You all know how stupeed the car was in 2006. Even Kimi, with all his speed and class, could not ween. And so, in winter testing, I quickly knew where the problem was.”
“Where was the problem?”
“It was underneath the floor.”
“So what did you do ?”
“I called an engineer, and showed him that there was a fixture issue underneath the floor of the car, and the bib was not screwed properly.”
“Was it for the 2007 car ?”
“Yes it was. So we got a screwdriver, and I went underneath the car, tightened the screws, and went for a drive on the track.”
“And the difference before the tightening of the screws and after the development done by you ?”
“Exactly 6/10ths of the lap time. I shaved off 6/10ths off my previous lap time.”
This clearly shows how influential Fernando was in Mclaren, developing the car along with the engineers so much so that he himself became a de facto engineer in the team.
“Is it due to the reason that since you played a huge role in developing the car, your racing skills were affected ?”
“No. It was not the case.”
“But you were most of the time found in MTC, talking to the engineers on how to make the cars faster. Sometimes you would come to the race 2 days before the others, so that you could spend some time at the track, understand the nature of the circuit. And then you would teleconference to the people at MTC about the prospective weather conditions.”
“Yes. I played a major role in strategy. I was on Ron’s personal friends contact on his blackberry. He even added me on gmail so we could chat on how to improve the car.”
“What would you guys discuss for so long ?”
“It was complex. The engineers would brief me more than Lewis.”
“As in ?”
“For Lewis it was a simple telemetary data. For me, I would go beyond telemetary and talk about the wings, downforce levels, rear grip and all.”
“All right. And your inputs ?”
“I motivated them. I nodded my head every time they told me something. I was aware of each and every detail of the car, such was my influence on the car.”
“Lewis never helped in development, did he ?”
“No. Never. It was me who stood by the guys, holding a plaster in one hand and a screwdriver in another, till the late hours of night, to help the engineers and technicians build the car. I was always there, bringing them coffee, buying them Pizzas and everything they wanted, so that we could develop further.”
“Such was your input in development Fernando ? Astonishing, truly.”
“Yes it was. And inspite all this, Lewis walked away with the laurels. And not me.”
Looking back now, we understand how much Fernando helped Mclaren develop the MP4-22.
“Even after so much inputs, you could not trounce Lewis on track Fernando. Why ?”
“It is simple. Car No.2 had a better package all the time.”
“What are you saying ?”
“Exactly what you think.”
Indeed Car No.2, in Lewis Hamilton, had a better package than Car No.1, in Fernando Alonso. But it beats my mind, to truly understand how could a rookie match a double world champion ?
“He was given my No.1 status.”
“Explain to us Fernando.”
“Ron came up to me and told me Lewis was their grown up kid. They raised him as a child. And they could not see him losing to me. So they preferred him over me, in strategies, everywhere, so that he could do better than me.”
“But why would they do that to you. After all, they signed you as a world champion ?”
“Probably to fuck my case in front of the whole world and show the world what a big idiot and a dickhead I was.”
“Indeed Fernando, indeed.”
And so we are. An honest confession from the words of Fernando Alonso. The world finally knows the truth.
Michael Schumacher on his return
One day, while sipping coffee, I thought, pondered, and came to a conclusion. How hard can it be ?
I mean, I am, indeed the most successful driver of all time, and even though I have been away for some 2 years or so, I knew it, deep down inside my sub conscious mind, that I still have the fire burning so much that I was ready for a new challenge, even if it meant joining a crappy team like Mercedes and working with fat people and a young blonde who’s sex was hidden to the outside world.
So I got a call, in the winter of 2009. This was shortly after I had announced my withdrawal to step in for Massa, when the poor bloke got injured and the whole of Tifosi turned to me, hoping that the Shu will save their asses, or rather drag his along with the kind of machinery he would have been provided.
This was precisely the reason I said no to Luca. Some people might question then why did I say yes in the first place ? Well, the reason was to build up a high for the Italians, to atleast make them happy for a few days. And it worked, quite well.
After watching Kimi work his way into that dog of a car, I had decided to withdraw my arrival in Ferrari. The last thing any Champion would want is to be trounced by his teammate, especially when they come in the package of Kimi Raikkonen/Mika Hakkinen.
So there it was. I refused to drive for Ferrari, and later in the year, the fat Englishman gave me a call, after dripping down half a bottle of Black Label. His tone was rather subdued, yet emotional, reminding me how we used to win together, lose together, and then cry together. It was kind of weird for me. It looked like a former girl of yours trying to bring you back in her life, by reminding you of all the past experiences, some wild, some not so wild, and the rest rather boring as I was never the emotional kind.
So I lisetened to him, as I would have listened to all my previous girls. But I am not the “come back kid” person. So how come did I said yes to my beloved Ross ?
Well, first of all, you all should know that I was basically jobless after quitting the sport at the end of 2006. My job as an advisor at Ferrari was confined to looking after Felipe’s wing mirror and telling the team if something was not right, which most of the times was not the occasion.I would come for GP’s, sit in my small, tiny room where I would enjoy beating Kimi on PlayStation, and then go out, only to see the Iceman thrashing the balls off my time in real life.
Life was boring. People at Ferrari gave more importance to Kimi and Massa. Kimi is fine. But Massa ? The kid who grew from my backyard was now commanding his position at MY team. My Ego was getting a blasting everytime I would attend a GP for Ferrari. The publicity did not work either. Although I earned enough cash to prevent my family from a state of destitution, the royal treatment was surely missed.
All these thoughts came to mind, till I realized it was 2 in the night, and my wife was not enjoying the fact that Ross was having me instead of her.
The next morning, I called Ross, and asked him the terms and conditions for the available job. He sounded just like the old Ross I had a romantic time with last night, and told me that the big fat people at Mercedes were ready to shell out their stakes just for me.
“8 Million Pounds are not too bad Ross.” I exclaimed, excited, emotional, in tears.
“Yes Mike. And you will also get your favourite odd number. We will explain it to Nico.”
“Are you kidding me ? Are you telling me that I will get to keep No.3.”
“Yes Mike. Anything for you, sweetheart. Now just come back.”
“Come back ? But how. You are not in Ferrari anymore. This is not Ferrari.” I told him, rather emotionally charged, asserting my thoughts.
“So what Mike ? You can still come back to your old Ross. To the team which gave you, wait a minute (as he checks the stats, comes back after 5 minutes). Yeah. To the team which gave you your first ever test in big leage racing, so that people in Formula 1 could have witnessed you.”
“Yeah. I think this sounds true enough for a comeback story. What a family reunion Ross, after so many years. I am back at Mercedes, the place where I belonged, and not Tifosi.”
“Say NEVER Ferrari Mike.”
“Never Ferrari. Only Mercedes. It is because of them I am where I am. It is because of them I managed to win 91 races, 7 titles and so many pole position. Oh God, Thank you for sending me back home.”
And we both cried, for some 10 minutes, after which I hanged up and told Ross that I will be signing as soon as my “No.1 Status Contract” is readied.
And so it was. I came back to Mercedes, for the love of my German people, for the love of the team which gave me the real chance, for Ross, my love, and all you Formula 1 fans, my fans, not to forget, the Tifosi, so what if I am not driving a red car ? At least I am wearing a red helmet. Cheers to you Tifosi!!
Spa Franchorchamps
The Belgian Grand Prix is the most awaited race in the Championship for quite a considerable number of people out there who dug up their ass every second Sunday of the month to enjoy 1 and a half hours action of high speed racing.
Among the drivers who actually demonstrate their will out on the racing track, one man singles out to be at a higher pedestal than others when it comes to charging through the ardennes forests at 18000 RPM, full throttle.
Kimi Raikkonen, winner of Spa four times in the last 5 races, not to forget that he almost pulled it off in 2008 as well, only for some unwilling force determined to prove a point that even someone like Kimi can fall, and he did, crashing out on the penultimate lap to hand over the win to his much slower teammate.
Those at Ferrari responsible for making the 2009 car will remember the feat the Iceman achieved last year, winning the grand Prix and holding off a much faster force in Giancharlo Fisichella. It was the only victory Ferrari achieved in 2009. In a car which was only good enough to compete in Formula 3 races, our boy from Finland displayed why he is known as the King of Spa.
It is very common for drivers to have tracks which suit them more than others. While Felipe Massa enjoys Bahrain and Turkey, Senna was the master of Monaco. Schumacher, barring his car exploits, had a special love for Magny Cours, whereas Lewis Hamilton loves driving where Champions are known to having crashed at the much renowned Wall of Champions, circuit Gilles Villenueve.
For Kimi, Spa singles out to be the track where given a competitive machinery, 9 out of 10 times he will make the other drivers seem like amateurish Go Kart prodigies, hoping to come good when the King is at work. Ask Michael Schumacher, who suffered a similar fate in 2004 when he was outpaced by the Iceman at his happy hunting ground.
The track has a beautiful layout starting with the ever spectacular corner “Eau Rouge”, climbing uphill at the speed of 180 MPH, through which you arrive at the long straight where the engine is muscled upto its limits, shouting in anger at 18000 RPM as the world witnesses the raw power of a Formula 1 engine.
Undoubtedly, it is the most beautiful track to drive at, with free fast flowing corners, a perfect recipe for those who enjoy their laid back style of driving.
Kiss The Apex 